By Karen, Phoenix AZ
Posted Monday, September 19, 2005

Visiting the Kids
Still searching for the official motherhood instruction manual, I travel to Phoenix to spend 5 days with Tim, Jenna and the boys.

Two planes and 10 ½ hours later I FINALLY arrived in Phoenix for my much anticipated five day visit with Jenna and Tim. It’s so hard to have the kids all so far away, though in these days of cell phones, email and instant messaging I never feel terribly far away from them.

Tim and Jenna, and their two “kids” Aslan and Homer, have moved into a great house in Ahwatukee area of Phoenix The house is large, in a lovely quiet neighborhood, extremely close to their work and an endless supply of restaurants and shopping. The whole area seems to me like the Arizona version of southern California, which, I’m sure, helps them feel right at home.

The very busy puppy, Homer, a 5 month old Victorian bulldog, dominates life on Windsong Drive. Big brother Aslan, does a good job of keeping him in line but little Homer is one tough little puppy. Aslan already has his hands full and Tim is getting a feel for how the ‘second child’ changes the family dynamics and adds work to for the weary ‘parents’.

We’re busy doing the usual stuff.. Shopping, and more shopping, it’s the weekend before Jenna’s birthday, after all! Eating and more eating, I really enjoy being in the land of restaurants once again. But what I enjoy most is just being in the house with them. They can fall asleep on the couch, or talk on the cell.. take the dogs for a walk, or watch a movie on HBO. I don’t care; I just love feeling “at home” with them. It almost reminds me of when they were tiny and I’d go into their bedroom just to watch them sleep, overwhelmed with awe that they had come into my life.

Of course they aren’t tiny any more.. I’m not so old that I don’t remember how I felt when my mom would come to visit us in New York.. or California. There was a sense of excitement and joy on one level and yet when mom came into my very own, adult life, I always felt somehow I had to DEFEND my independence. Remembering these feelings so clearly, I try hard to be a cool, modern mom.. one who remembers where the boundaries are and treats her offspring as ADULTS. Right!!!! How do you that?

One of my mother’s favorite expressions haunts me.. “You’ll always be my daughter”…. Translate.. “I’m going to tell you what to do till the day I die” I rejected those sentiments as a young adult, as a young mother, and even today I bristle when my 84 year old mom begins instructing her 56 year old ADULT daughter. But at least now I get it…. And I do my best to swallow those same sentiments before they slip out while I’m here in THEIR world.

From my lofty position on the top of a mountain built on my own mistakes, I can see so clearly what traps they should avoid, what paths would lead to success, and peace and happiness. I watch what look to me like impending train wrecks, and even when I successfully keep my mouth shut something in my face clues them in and I feel them put up the shields to defend their hard won independence. They don't require my unsolitited wisdom from the mountain except in those rare magical moments when they ASK for it.

Why did I ever think that if I successfully raised my children through the terrible two’s and the parallel tumultuous teens that somehow I would feel that I had “mothered” successfully? This new phase in our life together requires the same trial and error process of learning to be their mom as the rest of them did. This job, motherhood, is still the ultimate CHALLENGING career.. unlimited GROWTH potential. But I confess, I’m still looking for the instruction manual that didn’t come with these children! :>)

But in the meantime.. I’ll just sit here quietly, football on the T.V. and enjoy watching my beautiful daughter nap on the couch. Life is good.. and I am grateful.

p.s. Check out the slides from the trip on the home page of www.ourislands.com

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